BE THE CHANGE YOU DESIRE
Relationship counselling and couples therapy… in a nutshell
One of the things people have to accept when they come to couples therapy is that instead of looking to the other to meet their needs, they have to be able to look at themselves and decide what THEY themselves can do to help their relationship.
SAY WHA’? CHANGE STARTS WITH ME?? NO WAY, ITS THEM!
This can be incredibly hard to do when you feel hurt, wronged and disappointed with your partner, especially when you feel you are right and they are wrong (familiar?)
The wonderful, brilliant Esther Perel Esther says, ‘If you want to change the other, change yourself. Ask yourself how can I be a better partner? How can I make it easier for them to give me what I want?’ And I love this. How can I make it easier for them to give me what I want. Because, think about it, what do you want to get out of this? If it’s just venting your frustrations then fine, complain away. If you want a different behaviour back, or for your partner to understand what’s driving you and your perspective better then try being different yourself.
Success in couples therapy can only come when we move from a place of blame to collaborative working. so to give this one a try, start with a question from the magnificent Dr. Ellen Wachtel, who in the first session usually gets each couple to ask themselves, ‘What makes me not the easiest person in the world to live with?’
See what happens… You’ll be surprised.
