Cheating, nonmonogamy, infidelity, relationship issues.
A recent survey conducted in America states that 18 percent of people have had sexual experiences outside their primary relationships without their partners’ consent.
As a relationship therapist you would imagine I would think this is the death knell of a relationship. The cheating, the lying, the betrayal, the threat to the relationship and attachment.
in fact many of those 18 per cent would argue that the cheating actually SAVES their relationship. In certain relationships where commitment, friendship and security hold huge value but sex is no longer happening for various reasons (serious illness, physical limitations, etc) cheating and infidelity can actually mean that those unmet needs can be met without threading the entire relationship.
It’s certainly not for everyone, infidelity in my practice is still usually something that needs to be worked through to FIX a relationship, but in an era of post sexual revolution, where the nuclear family and heterosexual monogamous relationship is now not the norm, there is at least (the statistics claim) an 18 per cent demand for it.
It’s also interesting to find out that marriages between homosexual men have the highest chance of staying together. Maybe supporting the idea that cheating, or ‘nonmonogamy’ and getting ones needs met outside of the relationship is the key to the lower rates of divorce in comparison to lesbian or straight marriages…
I certainly wouldn’t be ok with it right now in my personal relationship. I don’t want cheating to be part of my relationship and although we have all likely done it or had it done to us at some point, for me if has caused more harm than good longer term. But who is to say that wouldn’t and won’t change as life goes on…? Never say never.
There is no judgment as ALL relationships can be subject to one partner cheating at one time or another and as I have found in practice it’s often not the cause of a relationship breakdown, merely a symptom we need to be understanding of if we want to work on that relationship.
All discussed on a very interesting podcast with the wonderful relationship columnist Dan Savage and Ezra Klein.
